Staying Afloat - Defying the Undercurrent of my life

As a student of 12 step programs, spirituality, Buddhism and The Presence Process, I know intellectually that:

Life sometimes needs to be taken one day at a time; sometimes, one hour at a time

That absolute joy is only found inside ourselves, regardless of what is happening around us

It is the difficult times that provide us with opportunities to grow, the fun times are like napping.

This knowledge is helping me stay afloat while life’s undercurrent is powerfully trying to pull me under. I guess I have been napping for a while. After a long arduous divorce, I enjoyed 2 years of being blissfully single. Then I decided to dip my toe into the dating pool and my first date was with a handsome, healthy, intelligent man that I am crazy about.

He moved across the country in June to study for his masters. Okay, that is difficult. But as the stars continued to aligned, my ex lost his girlfriend of 2 years and became a raging angry man again and stopped paying child support; the economy softened and my full commission job is barely bringing in a slow drip of income; my son, raw from his father’s rantings, is acting out violently (I had to call the police earlier this week). You get the picture.

Now I am wide awake, the nap is over. Holding onto the joy of my next “growth spurt” is a challenge at best.

The Buddhists believe that our “absolute” long lasting happiness or joy is found in the 4 ‘noble worlds”. They believe that there are 10 worlds altogether with most of us riding the rollercoaster of life as we reside in:

The 6 ‘lower worlds’ of
1 Hell
2 Hunger
3 Animality
4 Anger
5 Humanity
6 Heaven.

The 4 noble or higher worlds consist of:
7 Learning
8 Realization
9 Compassion
10 Enlightenment

While the 10th world of enlightenment or Buddhahood is clearly outside of my grasp right now, I am trying with all my power to stay in the 7th 8th and 9th worlds.

They believe if we are constantly learning and keeping our minds occupied on new areas of interest, we can find joy from within. Realization is finding some thing that we are passionate about and diving into it. I have found my writing and, like an addict, blogging and writing poetry are consuming my every free moment, and in fact, bringing me peace and happiness amidst the storm of my life.

I have also been biking, swimming and running, in training for a triathlon that I just completed last weekend. This too has brought me a feeling of health, fitness and pride of accomplishment.

Compassion is an ongoing challenge. We are not talking about compassion for our friends and family, we are talking about compassion for our enemies. Finding compassion for my ex is another place where I will find my absolute happiness. It makes sense; it is the practicing of the concept that will probably take a lifetime.