Now I am a very positive person. I meditate, find the silver lining in most situations, take good care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. So when I entered the 3rd floor of the family court building yesterday, it was not long before I felt assaulted by the negative energy that permeates the air.
The 3rd floor is designated for child support grievances. I was taking my ex to court because he has not paid support in a half year which has left me struggling. Needless to say, the entire floor is filled with angry, frustrated, struggling, resentful, bitter, hostile people and those who are hurt, frightened, intimidated, abused and desperate. Couples were arguing loudly, cursing at each other. Some men, my ex included, were loudly complaining about their wretched ex-spouses and how wronged they are for having to pay anything. Women were crying, some were screaming at times. Angry looks and tensely locked jaws could be seen everywhere.
My ex showed up 2 hours late, so the judge penalized him by scheduling us for the last case of the day. So I sat in this building for 7 hours assaulted by a negative energy that could have pierced the happiest soul.
By the end of the day, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and cry. And it had nothing to do with my own circumstance. The judge heard our case and I walked out with a settlement that I felt was fair to me and compassionate to him.
I think I wanted to cry because of the exposure to such negative emotions. But there is always the silver lining. It did give me an opportunity to see myself in comparison. How far I have come from being that angry person, out of control and engaging a loud verbal battle with my angry ex…I almost never do that anymore. How peaceful my life is today. My ability to let go and have faith that everything will work out for the best; in God’s time and way, not mine.
So perhaps spending a day in hell has it’s benefits especially when it helped me to see the heaven I have created for myself.
I learned how the process works, found out what I had to do and went through the steps with a ‘let go and let God’ attitude.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
How long is too long to wait?
I have had the unique experience of going on one date through an on-line service and meeting a really great guy. We have been together for 9 months and have a great friendship and passionate relationship. He lived in NYC and I am on Long Island. As a single mom, I almost always went in to his apt. which was great; it was like my ‘other’ life and I loved it.
In June he graduated college (a returning student – we’re both in our 40’s) and moved to New Mexico for a graduate program. At first he was just going to attend summer sessions; so I thought 12 weeks comes and goes quickly, no problem. But now, he has the wonderful opportunity to stay and complete his program next September. I think it is great and I am truly happy for him.
While I am crazy about him, we will have been apart for a longer period of time than we have been together. Can such a new relationship withstand so much distance for so long? We agreed to no commitments. After all we are on opposite sides of the country and grown adults with needs and desires, so whatever happens, happens. And honestly, my desires are beginning to get the best of me, so what’s a girl to do?
I don’t really want to start dating, because I do love this guy. But he has not and cannot commit to anything. He does not know where he will get a job or work after he is done with school and I appreciate that it is a unique and liberating position for him to be in. He is asking nothing of me either. I don’t know if I want to wait around for an entire year when there are no guarantees that we will be together when he returns…if he returns.
Maybe dating would be good. Give me a chance to compare, see who else/what else is out there. I got divorced, took a 2 year hiatus from men and then met my current man. Perhaps taste-testing the dating world would be good, for both of us. After all, I suppose if we were meant to be together, we ultimately will be.
In June he graduated college (a returning student – we’re both in our 40’s) and moved to New Mexico for a graduate program. At first he was just going to attend summer sessions; so I thought 12 weeks comes and goes quickly, no problem. But now, he has the wonderful opportunity to stay and complete his program next September. I think it is great and I am truly happy for him.
While I am crazy about him, we will have been apart for a longer period of time than we have been together. Can such a new relationship withstand so much distance for so long? We agreed to no commitments. After all we are on opposite sides of the country and grown adults with needs and desires, so whatever happens, happens. And honestly, my desires are beginning to get the best of me, so what’s a girl to do?
I don’t really want to start dating, because I do love this guy. But he has not and cannot commit to anything. He does not know where he will get a job or work after he is done with school and I appreciate that it is a unique and liberating position for him to be in. He is asking nothing of me either. I don’t know if I want to wait around for an entire year when there are no guarantees that we will be together when he returns…if he returns.
Maybe dating would be good. Give me a chance to compare, see who else/what else is out there. I got divorced, took a 2 year hiatus from men and then met my current man. Perhaps taste-testing the dating world would be good, for both of us. After all, I suppose if we were meant to be together, we ultimately will be.
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